the story of in between

06/07/13

three of us waited in the empty hall while that inspection lady took notes of all the stains and malice we created since last two years and what of those who passed on this mess of a legacy?

anyways, notes were taken and so were pics of dirty walls and stained carpet spots, but we were tired from the cleaning, the fourth one was busy gossiping with the side door neighbors, he was the only one who knew them, and its been two years I have been there!!

she finally took all notes she could and we asked all questions we could, finally it was done after the entire day of cleaning the stuff out and transferring at the same time, it’s been a tiresome day but now its almost over…. I was walking through the empty rooms, emptiest I’ve seen them ever, too tired to remember all the fun times we’ve had here, all the crazy parties(not too crazy but still Indian crazy, booze and shit you know, no sex at all…yeah, that sucks big time) and all the stupid shit and all the angry shit and all other kind of regular shit …. but, I was too tired to realize all that shit at that moment and then it somehow felt weird .. at least in those empty moments from the stupid bullshit that we three were so sub-consciously indulged into…. a very routinely routine for these rooms, specially this living hall…

and so many have been here, all gone to better places and yet they have had this connection to these walls…finally four of us at this very last moment and me being the alone sentimental fool ..

but its still changes nothing in all physical meaning, maybe some small habits of some of us for a while and that’s it… an apartment emptied and that’s all, what’s the big fucking deal? why am being such an emotional pussy, or rather maybe not, I am just being aware of a change and acknowledging a process, of which many have been a wonderful part….anyways it was momentarily and daru took a very good care of it … and this gave me something to write about after a long time

anyhooo that’s it.. she took the keys  and we moved out, being acting like such a sentimental fuck twad, I wanted to see it once more and say some goody filmy dialogue for one last time(I might have loved doing that)….but I didn’t and we moved out and she locked the door, took away the key and was gone …and we were left standing outside cooper chase 208 maybe for the last time as our own place, we technically had the lease till 12 am … but in all other senses – it was the end of cc 208 for us …

“Its been a happy place for a lot of people for a pretty long time…Its been a home for me and others ... good bye” .. maybe I would have said this at last, or I did? 

Reason enough

I read something profound enough to share here.

"There are as many reasons to open the space frontier as there will be humans to go there, and if history is our guide, although at first it will be only a few, the numbers will grow enormously.

But the real reason, the one necessary and sufficient reason we are called to the space frontier, is buried deep within us. It is a feeling, a knowing in our hearts when we look starward on a clear night. The same feeling that some of our earliest ancestors had as they looked across a new valley, or stood upon the shores of unsailed oceans. First fear, then curiosity, and then, for some, a calling. A calling which pulls us to go, to see, to do, to be there. It has created us and we have always responded to it."

Rick Tumlinson – “Why Space?” Part II

the first words

uno vérsaé * All this occurred some place in some language we would never understand about.

“Hey Kiddo! What are you upto? It’s a good day, go and play outside “, asked the father. He was proud of his son, who at such a young age has shown tremendous deeds. He could not sop wondering on this very unique side of a father-son relationship. It is his own extension that he feels so proud of. Does that make him an egotist in very vague terms? And very soon the son would grow up in his place, somehow redefining his own existence.

But the little one was way too much involved in his far-away-world. He was working on something, which by terms of his involvement seemed very important. Father was surprised (and impressed) by the genuine dedication. So, he asked..

“What are these odd little things?”

“Nothing Dad, just a small project”, kid replied.

“Project!! School?”

“Yes and No. Remember I made that model for my class exhibition? I am kind of developing on that”,

and with that the kid got busy again. There were so many ideas zooming off in his head. All about how to go next with this new adventure. He was working on a very peculiar machine-sort-of-thing. If we are to imagine, it would be something like a computer, working on real and virtual principles. He was busy ‘programming’ on this. He got quite some appreciation for this model when it was up for the exhibition.

That was one reason why he got so involved with this stuff. And now, he was totally possessed with it.Making it more complex.

Kid was lost for a moment, only to be disturbed his father. “Hmm, you are getting deep on this one. So tell me once more about what is it all about?” father asked animatedly. He knew how his son loved to explain about this project of his.

“Okay”, he began with a different kind of sparkle in his eyes. “It is a self-supporting and self-operating system working on its potential. It won’t require any outside source or support to sustain, just a trigger to begin. And it will fluctuate in its own parameters.”

“Fluctuate? As in grow and collapse?”, father asked again, although he already knew the explanation. He has heard it so many times.

“Yeah, it will change but it will also be stable. It will be a balanced system, you know – a dynamic balance. Everything will be in balance to its counter-part. Things will evolve due to this innate nature.

And when the balance rearranges, everything will restart giving whole system a new set of laws. Just the core, the congenital behavior will remain, guiding it along the same path, just with a new course.” [Writer’s note – “Did I mention, these are not human we are reading about! Rather the father-son relationship might not even exist to these beings, its just the closest nature of analogy writer could imagine to make things a bit less imaginary. Well, just know that and carry on… ] “That’s interesting kiddo”, replied father. He could not feel less elated for his son. The sheer intensity of interest in this small project surprised him.

“Yeah dad, it is. And now I am just adding things to make it a bit more complex. You see, refining certain details. "

“So, you mean that basic attribute sustains, but after each collapse, it begins again as an altogether unique system. I like the concept. So, what are these two identical figures?” father asked noticing new additions for the first time.

“No dad, they are not identical, look, rather these are exactly opposite to each other.” Kid replied showing the finicky of his craft. “oh yeah! I missed that in first look”, father agreed.

“But in a way, they are identical. Exactly opposite but still similar, it’s a pair you see.”

“Pair, ”?

“yeah, one always incomplete without other. These are a reflection to the basic nature of this system.The balance. Gradually, they will inherit their own character. Developing on its own. Each has what other lacks !” kid was lost in explanation, as if he could visualize the realization of his words.

"Each has what other needs". Father wondered on this last statement, it was sort of….. Beautiful. “well ! that is really something.” He was lost for words. “I will leave you with this project…I am sure it will turn out great. Good going young man”, and he left.

Kid got back to his work. Giving his little project the intended nature. Working on his peculiar machine-sort-of-thing.

********************************************************************************

“Dad, hey day…where are you?”

“Comiiiinng. Just a moment…….yeah”

“Hey, its done. I ve finally made it” kid showed the tiny spot hovering in tiny vacuum. It was sparkling with glitters.

“Your project? Its done..wow..great..so what now… Does it work?”

“No daa. Not yet...its still at square one..I will have give it a kick to start-off”. “Oh..So whats the kick” ?

“Well, its just a small vocal command”

“And what are you going to name it?”

“It does not matter what I am going to call it. But they will call it many names – personally I like the one they will call UNIVERSE”

“universe! Got a good ring to it. Does it have a meaning?”

“Doesn’t matter”

“okay , so give the command, let it start off”

“OK. Here it goes”, kid paused for a moment and said “LET THERE BE LIGHT”

And somewhere around this every place..there was a BIG BANG..

the clock began ticking.

"To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield."]

When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely illusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long... What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfil? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?

you two

I just had a chat with two best people of my life. Hail skype. And here I am overjoyed and displaying it all over. Although I know I am going to forward this link to these two only.So much for my fan-following.And after a while I became speechless, so now I am writing this at same tiny link of a infinite network. Just to let them know(this they already do only I just like to say good things about them, to them ... it makes me happy that for once(very rare) I was able to express my thoughts about them)(brackets within brackets, classic..just like inception).. oh i am wandering off . So at this point of time, at this coordinate of space, I want to let them know that there existed someone, who just had one wish(from true heart) that they be together, forever. Now I do realize, what it means to have good people around you. I have more than I could have asked for. And this is what happens when you have good people there for you, even when time is not favorable, you know its going to be better soon, it did for me.The story may not have such a happy beginning, but that doesn’t make you who you are, it is the rest of your story, who you choose to be… so much for being what I am, their friend. PS :) don't comment.

some say it all.

Within 24 hours(21 to be precise) good bye became welcome. And slowly and thereof, a new world begins, with those who are ready to say a different good bye.

And what of those who are not here anymore, nothing but unlimited gratitude for just being there. For once, there is all that you asked for. And looking at past, future seems so good.

In every life, there is once a centre stage, where things start to revolve around you, atleast for a while. After that, its again a one in million chances.

I seldom wonder about the mathematics of this magnitude. How everything is calculated just to be precise and yet to keep everyone involve in it, ignored about everything. But then again, I measure with my own parameters while the scale might be something else. And as an afterthought, it must be. The rules governing us, would be nothing like anything we should understand.

And here was the psychological burp. Its out now, the random has been spoken. Out aloud, yet in the corner of a tiny weblink.

Course of action - anxiousness followed by emotions, then comes the awareness and excitement lingers on, surprises, questions, lots of questions, discovery, awareness once again, a lil bit of fear, some anticipation and then, promises. Hope strolls in between all the way.

So what? Its going to be what it should be. And by all mathematics involved, it should be great, in ways we might never comprehend. The surprise is not the enormity of it all but at infinitesimality of our own.

Thank you for it all.

Autobiography of a Moron

un dino, kuch maksad hua karte the humare....

Ab gehre khwab hain,

Jazbe ki kami toh chicken-roll ne puri kar di..

Aaj kal, malai kabab hain

Jo beet gaya, woh aane waale se aasan kyu hota hai?

mere bhi, kuch ulte, kuch kache..

khud se kiye sawal-o-jawab hain.

yaar aise mile,jinhe mujh par mujh se jyada yakin raha.

bandiyan, botlein,awarapan -

un kamino ke saath toh khalipan bhi rangeen raha.

Sab bhains ki aankh,

james bond ki chathi(6) aulad,

sab LA ke nawab hain.

Waise,.. dekha jaye toh itne kuch galat bhi na hue the kabhi..

do chaar night-outs,

kabhi-kabhaar hangovers,

do suplies,

thode se baap ke paise

aur char saal hi toh lage,

tab jaakar ye samajh aaya...

ye sab bhi toh lajawab hain.

Aur phir aaj itna kuch badla bhi kya hai?

ek degree hai,

kuch sapne hain,

thodi confusion hai,

tension seldom hai..

zindagi random hai...

phir bhi(maa ka)

apan toh phantom hain.

aur doston..

kuch saal baad, aisa hi kuch pado yahaan par

toh samajh jana ki...

life rapchik chal hai bhai ki...