Autobiography of a Moron

un dino, kuch maksad hua karte the humare....

Ab gehre khwab hain,

Jazbe ki kami toh chicken-roll ne puri kar di..

Aaj kal, malai kabab hain

Jo beet gaya, woh aane waale se aasan kyu hota hai?

mere bhi, kuch ulte, kuch kache..

khud se kiye sawal-o-jawab hain.

yaar aise mile,jinhe mujh par mujh se jyada yakin raha.

bandiyan, botlein,awarapan -

un kamino ke saath toh khalipan bhi rangeen raha.

Sab bhains ki aankh,

james bond ki chathi(6) aulad,

sab LA ke nawab hain.

Waise,.. dekha jaye toh itne kuch galat bhi na hue the kabhi..

do chaar night-outs,

kabhi-kabhaar hangovers,

do suplies,

thode se baap ke paise

aur char saal hi toh lage,

tab jaakar ye samajh aaya...

ye sab bhi toh lajawab hain.

Aur phir aaj itna kuch badla bhi kya hai?

ek degree hai,

kuch sapne hain,

thodi confusion hai,

tension seldom hai..

zindagi random hai...

phir bhi(maa ka)

apan toh phantom hain.

aur doston..

kuch saal baad, aisa hi kuch pado yahaan par

toh samajh jana ki...

life rapchik chal hai bhai ki...

i hope u had the time of ur life..

It happens most of the times that best things in life come atr the time when you are not fully aware to appreciate

them. And thats is one simple reason I am writing it right now.

This trip has been one hell of a ride. Taught me so many so much. Made me meet to so many of wonderful people. Yet,

certain remains undone. Even then, my best goes to all those whom I met here, in these 14 fucking great days of my

life. Every day has been new, full of experiences I've never known before. And my condolences to those who could not

make it with me. Its been one hell of a ride. I wish to meet all these in a happy future.

With best regards to one and all.Pune Goa & Belgaum. May GOD bless us all.

To be continued...ever after...

One Life @ Call Centre

Few days it seems, were not sufficient enough.

But even these were not ordinary..

The first taste of money.First touch of corporacy.First feigning of professionalism.Another serendipity.

The respite from the truth.A fleeting abode.Amazing times, wonderful nights.

Out of usual life, yet so much of it.

Seemingly disappointments.

Boss booze and bitching.

Few idiosyncrasies,many friends, several shams, random genuines... all cause to an amazing time.

Never ending shifts..ever shifting targets...training jam-sessions..stolen coffees..premium Georgias..car-o-bar..

polo and mentos..chair-control-jerks..mails chats..

What else do I say...??umm..perhaps>>"Thank you for calling BT!!"

PS: To everyone who understands what this is all about..Avinash, Anurag, Bhusan, Owais, Gurleen,Varun,Neha,Sonali,Mohit,Sukhi..and so many who cant be named...

PïSS off

This is going to be dirty, yeah dirty enough. So, have you ever been to a public washroom? What kind of question is that, exclamatory kind.

Oh, I am talking about the guys section here, only the JACKS, so JILLS – please don’t read, you wont understand.

Well I am lost for words here. I simply cannot think of one single line that cannot be explained in more derogatory terms than what it would suppose to convey. So, simply ignoring the other side of the discussion(if you want it to be)..I would say, “public washrooms are one of the most interesting and mysterious places in world”

And hereforth, I place the argument to support the claims,

First of all, the construction of cubicle is such that sometimes you wonder, was the architect a gay who played a practical joke on all the pissers in the world. Why? The separators are always too awkward or small to suit your comfort. Then there is always an anomaly, what to do? I mean, when you piss, is there anything, any damm thing in the world that can make you look cooler than that guy whos doing exactly the same right beside you? Well, the simple fact is that it’s a natural thing, and you are always conscious about it when you are doing it. So, what to do in the meanwhile? What to think about > nothing !

And then, where to look? Another biggie to answer. So you look in the wall, then above the sideways(the guy, oh) then as you have scanned all four directions - obviously, you cant look back, unless you are scared of those rascals whom you pulled while they were at it and eventually led them to piss at their own shoes(remember OWAIS ? )..finally you look down at you thing (weird but true) and subconsciously wish to get it over ASAP.

And then, there is always that weird neighbor in the section beside. He would be so immersed in that mobile call that hes doing it all with his left hand (& you wonder) but final, he needs to close the zip(!) And its something like “Main…ku..kuch nahi kar raha…ek second yaar(closes)…haan bol “

Or else it would be that guy who will be so much into the ‘section’ that …I wont say any further here….

And yeah, theres some other special features as well… I remember someone not being able to stand still while doing it, rather he was kind to oscillating to and fro, for a second it looked like he was fornicating the ‘section’ ..dont laugh it could be a disorder…

HA HA HA,,disorder my ass….hes a pimp…

Oh I am forgetting the singing types, ever noticed those whos humming there while doing it..well what else can one do there?

Anyways, time to bid adios, but always remember that there are several other peculiar things that make doing it more interesting – like targeting those white balls in the ‘section’ or doing it the sideways to avoid that sound,, don’t lie to me..we’ve all been there…

And what to say when you find your boss in the sideways section? Maybe this “Hey, how are you doing?”(not the joey way please)

PS : ‘section’ refers to that basin where you do it..I dnt know what do we call it.

Afterthought – Why do 80% of guys spit in the section before, after or while doing it? No no, it’s a fact

Synecdoche_New_York

Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won't know for twenty years. And you may never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. Just try and figure out your own divorce. And they say there is no fate, but there is: it's what you create. And even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but it doesn't really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel whole, something to make you feel loved. And the truth is I feel so angry, and the truth is I feel so fucking sad, and the truth is I've felt so fucking hurt for so fucking long and for just as long I've been pretending I'm OK, just to get along, just for, I don't know why, maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery, because they have their own. Well, fuck everybody. Amen.

I am running blank for a title, please suggest ...

Its Janamaashtmi today. And for some mysterious reasons, this day is always cheering for me. Maybe its due to the festive spirit, those wonderful songs - 'mach gaya shor saari nagri re..' et al.And yeah, theres this definite rain on this day...its so amazing that it rains for sure on this particular day...its just like Christmas snow. or whatever. But I am really peppy ans joyed. On this one(like always) my family(except me) is keeping a fast. So, I ve to go and get 'paneer' and sweets. You see, it all is so good and pious and festive.

I take a walk to the 'mithaiwala', and there is a great mood in streets as well.

Alls good.

Its eight and we sit in drawing room, watching TV. I come and join my family. There is some news channel thats broadcasting two different events - both are janmaashtmi celebrations...just the difference...Salman Khan is star-casting in one(promoting Dabang) and Akshay Kumar in the other(promoting himself). Background is all about how "munni badnaam hui".

"whats all this crap?",says me. "Give me the remote"..takes it.

Change - Same.

Change - almost the same, just the difference - a golden wrapped Sukwinder singh is all gung ho over 'jai ho'

Change - wow, Harbhajan Singh too is featuring in Salman Khan's promote-my-movie-with-whoever-and-where-ever-i-am..

"Goddam these news channels".

My mom snatches the remote. "Astha par dekho, vrandvan ki janmaashtmi aa rahi hogi"

Change to aastha - Sorry mumma, its some politician attending some celebration, yeah this is more close to bhagwan-ki-bud'day-party..

change to something like aastha channel - some young kurta singing some bhajan sounding 'love me baby love me'...

"I am outta here", says me again.And I am outta there.

Strolling on my roof, I am all heads about how we have commercialized religion, faith and even ourselves.

Theres always a sales-strategy behind every thing in our reach. Anything we think we should understand comes with an advertisement.

I dont want to know the reasons, but I contemplate to myself that we never ever try to ask just one simple question to ourselves - "What is the point?"

After all said and done, for some abstruse and unknown reason, I look upwards, smiles and says(dont know to whom) - "I know you must be having a good laugh over all this down here !"

MMS(ecretory)

Secretory to MMS : Sir, Obama will be coming in September.

MMS : What? Have they caught him ?

Sec (frowns) : No, Sir. I said Obama not Osama.

MMS : Yes, I know US president. I met Mr. Osama in G3 summit. What I am asking is, Have they caught that obama?

Sec(completely blown out): Ummm, Sir. Obama is the president. Osama is the terrorist.

MMs : Really? Then I had dinner at white house with a terrorist. Damm those americans. They think they are so smart and the guys been hiding in

their president's crib. I must call em at once. (picks up the receiver) Hello, connect me to US!

Sec : Ahh. Sir. That is to the pilots cabin. We are on the plane, remember?

And sir, Obama is the president and you had dinner with him.

MMS (confused) : O hho. These goras must get a good accent. He called himself AUAAMA(tries the accent,pathetically)..So much for their fake accent.

anyways, I am hungry. Get me a happy meal.

Sec : Sir, we are on a plane...to germany...

MMS : Oh yes. But....what went wrong them, did we beat them in football..

Sec : Sir..We dont play football....

MMS : Is it so, even after that 'chak de india'...I loved amitabh's role..u know the way he teaches those dislexic players...and all..it was all

so scientific n complicated...frankly,I didnt get the ending of that movie..

Sec (deep sighs) : yes sir, even I didnt...

MMS : So, wheres my happy meal?

Sec (wishes now that he had a shotgun) : Sir, you had it twenty minutes earlier.

MMS : Really, oh. I am sorry then, I must go for a walk then. (gets up)

Sec (for the love of god,somebody just tell me the name of the person who made him the PM) : Sir, we are on our way to berlin...We are on the

plane....

MMs : Ha Ha..ofcourse ofcourse...I was just testing you. You are good, good. See, thats why you are my bodyguard..And when will we reach

france...caz I cant wait to see the Big Ben first thing..and you know th......

(thats all folks,MMS returns sson)